John tells us he has heard he should be tough, right from the start, when it comes to negotiation. Is this true?

John's question illustrates the mis-education most people have received on negotiating.

In their seminal book, Getting to Yes, authors Fisher and Ury reveal four steps to effective negotiations. The first step, which Tero finds most will people skip, is separating the person from the problem.

In addition to addressing the problem at hand, we need to build or preserve the relationship. The better the relationship, the better the chance for a win/win outcome.

Most negotiations are not a one-time event. They are with people we are going to engage with repeatedly. Relationships matter.

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